Welcome To The Reconnect!

A community centred around bringing self-compassion and connection into our everyday lives.

What’s this all about, then?

What has been most impactful for you on your road to self-understanding and self-acceptance, so far?

Photo by Marek Levák on Unsplash

I’ve been exploring the themes of emotional literacy, mindfulness and self-compassion for a while now, and I’m conscious of 2 things:

1) During the times I was most stressed out as a junior doctor, I don’t think I had the language or awareness to describe, in myself at least, things that were perpetuating that stress (things like shame, self-criticism, and so on).

And 2) Even since understanding more about these concepts and doing lots of personal and professional work around them, I still have moments where I’m lost in these unhelpful patterns (it’s like falling back into the proverbial ‘hole in the sidewalk’ - you see the hole, but you still fall in. It takes time and work to unlearn that habit and create a new one). It’s something that I’m aware that friends, colleagues and clients are also grappling with.

The gap between knowing something, really feeling it, and practicing it so much that it becomes your default, is vast. Developing vocabulary to describe these experiences, and simple practices to regain perspective, is hugely helpful. This blog aims to create a community of learning and practice whereby we can share our reflections on these topics and build on each other’s insights in order to bring more of these self-compassionate ways of being into our daily lives.

But why ‘The Reconnect’?

Realisations in How I Treat Myself.

As I write this, I’m 9 months into a new way of life as a self-employed coach, after quitting my job in higher education. My career path has so far been a really interesting, rewarding, and unconventional one, that has given me quite a bit of insight into how so many of us end up getting burnt out, working in people-facing sectors such as healthcare and education.

I started out, 10 years ago, as a junior doctor working in the NHS, then moved into medical education (university lecturing, particularly focussed on communication skills in healthcare), moved between three different London universities, and also trained as a transformational life coach and healthcare quality improvement coach.

I won’t go into the details for now, but various times along that path, I’ve experienced intense periods of stress, overwhelm, and edging toward burnout. I’ve done a lot of personal work around that, and also learned a lot from colleagues going through similar experiences. The problems I experienced were widespread amongst others working in the same fields, largely as a result of the huge strain that these sectors are under, after many years of underfunding. But something happened after leaving the rat race that made me stop and think, and which is propelling me to start this community now.

In November last year, about 4 months after leaving my job, I started to notice myself getting into that familiar feeling of overwhelm and exhaustion. Only this time, I was my own boss. I’d stepped away from the systems that could at times be so challenging to work within. It really made me reflect on how I was perpetuating those patterns of burnout within myself. Or as Carrie Bradshaw might have put it…

I couldn’t help but wonder…you can take the woman out of the system, but can you take the system out of the woman? ;-)

(That’s a cheesy Sex And The City reference, and a primitive emoji, in case it’s over your head [inspired by when I told a friend recently I was writing a blog and he responded with ‘A blog? Are we in 2001?!’])

I think partly this recurrence of overwhelm was to do with how I have internalised those institutions I have been, or still am, a part of - ways of working and expectations of myself that were not particularly helpful (and I’m talking about institutions in the broadest sense, like grind culture and capitalism - a culture that associates our self-worth with our productivity and job status).

There was also a whole layer of stuff around the vulnerability of the work (feeling out on a limb, having taken a step into the unknown of self-employment, from an already unconventional path), and the attachment of identity to ‘success’ at work, which again feels more acute when you lose the labels or comfort that being embedded within a system sometimes affords you. Plus the newness of the business side of the work brought tonnes of additional mental and emotional work with it.

But all that said, what stuck in my mind was that I am responsible for the way I treat myself, and that I want to definitively shift my approach to one that is more supportive and nurturing. As a result, I used the winter months to focus on personal development work, alongside getting into the swing of freelance life. And having taken that time to reflect, I am all the more passionate about the value of keeping mindfulness and self-compassion front of mind, going forward. Or in other words, creating opportunities to reconnect with that compassionate awareness, day after day.

Photo by Stephan H. on Unsplash

Why Community?

As I reflect on what has been pivotal in working out those life decisions and emotional challenges over the years, what stands out is the importance of community: Connecting with friends or colleagues who share in understanding some of the same experiences, as well as having similar perspectives on what really matters. Participating in learning communities with people from many different walks of life, as part of mindfulness courses. Forming community with people who all share an approach of empathy and compassion can allow you to get in contact with your true feelings in a way that is liberating and enlightening.

It’s the magic of empathy and connection that frees us from feeling shame (shame is where we feel there’s something wrong wth us, so we hide away and avoid talking to people about it). Feeling shame is a natural consequence of burnout and chronic stress.

My hope is that this community can serve as a space for people to connect, share experiences, recognise our common humanity, and feel supported. And in doing so, we open ourselves to the possibility of letting go of the hold that shame, overwhelm, disillusionment and all the rest can have over us, and move towards feeling energised and encouraged to put more of ourselves out into the world.

Why now?

I’ve talked about what has pushed me to write this, in this moment, but I think there is something to add around what is happening in the world at the moment. It feels like a point in history where we are increasingly recognising our need to stand up and be counted, to take action and acknowledge our responsibility for our impact on the world, and on each other.

This is work that is easy to get lost in - such emotionally draining work, and such important work. Activist burnout is a huge challenge. My hope is that in any small way, the learning and personal growh we can contribute to via this community will serve as refuge, nourishment and fuel to social justice movements in the years ahead.

I also feel that our power is greater when we collaborate and connect with one another. And that a fundamental building block before we can do any of that is to connect with and tend to our own emotional needs. Doing the internal work allows us to engage with the outside world in a much more effective way. So this space is about reconnecting with ourselves, with each other, and with the world around us.

So what’s the vibe?

This is a community for anyone who has felt stressed, overwhelmed, lost, frustrated or disillusioned, and who wants space to reflect and connect with yourselves, and (by virtue of reading this, if nothing else) with others. It is a welcoming space, recognising that all emotions and experiences are valid. It’s a space where you can come for inspiration, for motivation, and to reflect, process and grow - or even just to be, exactly as you are.

Through sharing experiences, insights, ideas, and ponderings, we contribute to a conversation and a larger community of learning. This is a way for everyone participating to keep our own practices of self-compassion and mindfulness alive and well. And it is most importantly a space to be human, to laugh and cringe and acknowledge all our rough edges. To allow ourselves to be, just as we are, perfectly imperfect, and to keep reconnecting with what really matters.

Let’s Get Started

To get things started, I would love to hear from you in the comments :) - What resonates? What is working for you right now, in relation to self-compassion? And what are your challenges?

Please also share The Reconnect with anyone you think might be interested.

How do I get more of this in my life?

Check out my link in bio page for my latest offerings (expect some workshops and webinars on the horizon…watch this space!)

As of September 2024, I am now offering a FREE Confidence & Clarity session to anyone who would like to experience the impact coaching can have. Please do share this with anyone you think would appreciate it, and book yourself in if you’re feeling curious.

Particularly if you are feeling:

• Overwhelmed.

• Demoralised, dejected, frustrated - feeling let down by the system, disconnected from what used to light you up, and unable to do a great job because resources are so stretched and the environment is dysfunctional or toxic.

• Losing touch with your sense of identity and what matters in life - feeling stuck in survival mode and not always recognising yourself.

And would like to feel:

• Energised, enthusiastic and connected with that part of you that sees opportunity, joy and excitement ahead of you.

• Relief from the turmoil of uncertainty, gaining clarity and trust in your own decision-making.

• Good about yourself - liberated from imposter syndrome, swapping self-doubt for self-belief, and knowing that you’re not alone.

So that you can:

• Stride forwards with the projects that really light you up - sharing your talents with confidence, and feeling seen, heard and appreciated.

• Feel like yourself again - the person you are when you’re most in your element.

• Steer well clear of burnout.

• Flourish, fully present, into the relationships, projects and adventures that are going to bring you deep and lasting fulfilment.

If this is ringing true for you, grab a FREE Confidence & Clarity session here.

Thanks so much for reading! Remember to leave a comment and subscribe, and I’ll see you back here soon :) If you have your own blog that would be interesting to this community, please do also share.

Photo by Bruno Figueiredo on Unsplash

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And in case you’re wondering who writes this, here’s a photo of me with my cat (Spooky):