Greetings all!
The end of May has brought sunshine and heat to us here in the UK, which has led us to one of our favourite national pastimes - being surprised by the weather!
In this round-up of the month of May, you will find:
Previously unseen artwork (by me!) ;)
Reflections on the power of being truly heard.
One garden miracle!
This month’s most popular posts.
1. Unseen Artwork - Go Easy On Yourself
May treated me with not only some delightful sunny weather, but also time away at two mindful self-compassion retreats - as an assistant and as an attendee.
I assisted at a beautiful retreat in mid-Wales at a place called Garth Barns, and the retreat leaders had created an inviting table of art materials to play with, in exploring our experiences of self-compassion. On one evening, I was feeling particularly inspired and relaxed, having really appreciated a session where we had been doing some movement and listening to music - I think it was the day where we had been exploring the theme of anger.
I was particularly moved by one song which reminded us to go easy on ourselves - particularly when we’ve experienced negative treatment by other people. It struck a chord (ooh interesting thought - is that a chord or a cord?? It could be either). Actually I think it struck a cord with me because I realised I had been feeling self-critical and that I know some of those feelings stem from times when I have felt undermined by others.
The song said something along the lines of:
If you’ve been treated badly by others, the best way to deal with that is to treat yourself well - and to go easy on yourself.
And given that the theme of the retreat was Fierce Self-Compassion, that filled me with a resolve to champion feeling good about myself, and with a level of contentment in having realised and released those feelings.
So here’s the artwork aka contented doodling that I enjoyed straight after that:
2. The Power Of Being Truly Heard
Two things recently have led me back to an insight that sits at the core of the work I do: the almost magical power of being truly heard.
Sharing Circle
Firstly, I was reflecting with a friend about one of the elements we found so deeply healing when on retreat, when it is done in a particular way: The experience of being able to speak our experiences aloud as part of a sharing circle, and to be heard in a particular way.
The elements that made this so powerful were that:
The invitation was to share whatever felt important for us to share - there was no pressure or expectation.
There was ample time - we didn’t feel rushed.
Everything was received with the same warmth and gratitude, but not with responses.
So there was no fear of others going into ‘fixing’ mode.
Or of being met with judgement.
In other words, there was a deep trust that we would be heard, without our words creating reactions from others.
And that is a really powerful thing, allowing for deeper and more honest connection with your own feelings. And then, wherever it feels right for each person, for having those witnessed by the group, with a warm acceptance.
Talanoa
Secondly, a few days later, I saw a post on Instagram about Fiji’s talanoa practice, from an account called soulmindhub (below). The post said that in Fiji, the high levels of self-reported happiness (in spite of low GDP - a discrepancy which sounded like it baffled, or at least intrigued, researchers) were down to a Fijian practice known as talanoa.
Talanoa is described in the post as:
Sitting with other human beings and speaking truthfully about your inner life without fear of judgement.
It also highlights the importance of these conversations being without agenda.
So it’s not that you’re meeting because you need to problem solve, analyse or fix. Or critique or judge.
It’s about deeply hearing each other. For the sake of hearing each other. Because that is important.
Listening Is At The Heart Of Everything
I was really moved and uplifted when I read about that. It speaks to what lies at the heart of my way of practising coaching, and of being in the world - that to truly see, and know, and understand, and support each other, we need to listen without agenda.
It brings to mind stories I’ve heard about the grandmother I never met (who I’m named after), who came to London as a stateless Jewish refugee fleeing the Holocaust in Germany. Stories of how she would meet with friends - other lost souls maybe - and have kaffee mit kuchen (coffee & cake), and be with each other in solidarity and in listening and compassion.
It reminds me of what I’ve learnt (and taught) in studying medicine, and in hearing my parents talk about their lifetimes working as GPs - that what really matters in a consultation is whether you truly listen.
And to truly listen means letting go of our own agendas, so we can hear all the different strands of meaning and emotion in what is being shared with us.
And in coaching it’s exactly the same. We begin to experience healing and transformation when all the parts of us carrying the angst and fear and trepidation begin to trust that they will be heard, without being met with judgement, or with jumping to conclusions, or with trying to impose some other agenda.
Trusting that when we speak from our hearts, we will be met with warmth, with acceptance, and with openness.
Can We Do More Listening?
In the world in its current moment, I am acutely aware of how difficult it can be for any of us to feel heard. And with the levels of fear and hatred that are flying around, it can be particularly difficult to find ourselves in a state to be able to listen closely to others, especially when they have views we might find concerning, threatening, or even reprehensible.
Now, I’m not suggesting that we purposefully engage in conversations that we expect to cause grief, but what about some conversations at the less heavy end of that spectrum - could there be space for even 5% more listening before judging? Or even if the judging reflex is hard to control, for perhaps some winding back of the judging, if and when we start to feel safe enough to come into a place of listening and openness.
And the same principle can be useful for those moments when we find ourselves slipping into anxiety-driven fixing or analysing of our friends’ problems. What if we could let go of that a little, and allow for some moments of listening without agenda?
Just a thought to play with!
3. One Garden Miracle
Before the heatwave, I was a bit slow on the uptake on noticing our move out of a wet winter, and my garden’s need for some human input by way of watering. As a result, I noticed the tragic encrispification* of my SECOND jasmine plant. And as you’ll see from the photo, it had thrived last year and made its way all the way up to the top of the arch - almost ready to befriend the wisteria approaching from the other side.
*Encrispification = becoming crispy and dead.
Even though I had accepted the situation as: this plant is well and truly dead (through neglect, no less), I gave it a few glugs of water through the heatwave because…well who knows.
And then the other day I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this:
Green shoots of new life! The jasmine plant lives on!
I’ll keep you posted on its progress. :)
4. Top Posts From May 2026
Here are this month’s two most viewed posts:
On how my experiences in toxic workplaces led me to champion self-trust, and sending solidarity to the many people going through redundancy processes right now (whether staying or going):
This midweek meditation on creating space for our difficult emotional experiences to be there. Also featuring some unplanned background miaowing from my cat, Spooky.
To revisit any of the other previous articles or meditations, go to miriamfine.substack.com .
Thanks for tuning in, and I’ll see you again next week for some exciting updates on what’s coming up in June!
Have a lovely week.
Miriam xx